By: Theresia Richardson, MA.Ed., LMHC, CCTP
Love, one of the single most longed for gifts in any season, is one of the most difficult terms to define. In fact, a quick web search for its definition leads to two common results: affection and pleasure. But for those willing to dive deeper, thought leader and author bell hooks offers a powerful alternative.
In her groundbreaking book All About Love, hooks challenges conventional conceptualizations of love, presenting love not merely as a feeling or fleeting emotion but as an active force. According to hooks, the definition offered by M. Scott Peck as “the will to extend oneself for the purpose of nurturing one’s own or another’s spiritual growth” adds richness and depth to love while fashioning a framework that makes love approachable and actionable.
hooks further suggests that love is not something we passively receive or simply feel; love requires effort and commitment. It is the choice to invest in the emotional and spiritual development of ourselves and those around us. Unlike affection, which is often spontaneous and fleeting, love demands mindfulness and responsibility.
Love is a conscious act of nurturing.
When we love this way, we move beyond merely gratifying our own desires to promote the well-being and spiritual flourishing of others. Rather than a momentary burst of pleasure, love becomes a powerful force capable of bringing healing, growth, and transformation into our lives and into the lives of those around us.
Love, reimagined in a less egocentric fashion, challenges our conventional self-centered “all about me” mentality where love exists solely for personal fulfillment or pleasure. Instead, hooks invites us to see relationships as opportunities for growth. True love, in her framework moves from idealization to a deepened understanding of self and others. Loving this way is not based in feeling but requires decision and action. At its core, love is a choice we make—a commitment to love, backed by our willingness and ability to invest energy and sincere effort.
Rather than a demand for perfection, love in its truest form is an invitation. Love, when centered on growth, is messy. It calls us to roll up our sleeves and get our hands dirty. Here’s the real challenge: how often do we choose the comfort of clean, unworked hands over the rugged, callused hands earned through the hard labor of life? Think about the relationships in your life, including the one you have with yourself. How often does love feel like an active decision to get your hands dirty in the soil of growth, rather than simply something you feel when things are going well?
How well do you love when the sparkle dims, when the shine is buried in dust, and what remains is not pretty, but faded?
During the holidays, relationships can feel especially heightened. In a season where the stress of expectations, gatherings, family dynamics, personal shame, FOMO (fear of missing out), and unrealistic ideas of how things “should be” cause emotions to run high, love can be a stabilizing force. Love is THE grand evolution, calling us to practice patience with ourselves and others, while embracing the inevitability of conflict and imperfection.
As the year draws to a close, the world can feel overwhelming. The rush of holiday preparations, the weight of expectations, and the emotional currents of winter can easily leave us feeling adrift. For many, especially those dealing with mental health challenges such as anxiety and depression, love can provide an anchor—or the stability we need when everything else feels uncertain. It is the quiet force that reminds us that we are worthy, no matter the turbulence of our thoughts or emotions. Love does not demand perfection; it simply calls us to be present, to recognize our worth and the worth of those around us, and to show up even when things feel hard. The type of love hooks describes can serve as a balm to the soul. Love can be a healing force that soothes anxiety, diminishes loneliness and creates a sense of belonging.
When we also care for ourselves with love—by setting boundaries, allowing ourselves to rest, and seeking support, we create the foundation for greater emotional resilience. Focusing on self-love as part of our spiritual growth connects us to a deeper well of compassion and strength, enabling us to engage more authentically with others.
As we move through the final days of this year and move into 2025, let love be the foundation on which you stand. Not as a feeling, but as a practice—a daily choice to extend ourselves toward growth, connection, and healing.
After all, love is the most excellent way.
My name is Theresia Richardson,
and I am a licensed mental health
counselor here in Mill Creek. I
own a private practice where I
have worked with individuals,
couples, and groups for more
than a decade. I am a Certified
Clinical Trauma Professional
(CCTP) on a mission to help
people remove barriers to love
and connection and see their
painful stories transformed into
stories of healing and restoration.
Check out my website for
additional mental health related
content: counselingatthewell.com
Be well, Theresia Richardson,
MAEd, LMHC, CCTP
Disclaimer: The thoughts presented in
this piece are for educational purposes
only and should not be considered
medical advice. Please consider your
mental health needs with a counselor.
