By Theresia Richardson
During a recent trip to Destin, I encountered several signs that we don’t tend to see around here:
“Do Not Disturb Sea Turtle Nests. Violators Subject to Fines and Imprisonment.”
All along the miles-long pristine beachfront, delicate bespoke sand mounds were guarded by conspicuous signposts and warning tape. The treasure inside each was buried many inches down, resting patiently under the warm earth, waiting. Left long ago by their creator, each cluster of paper-thin eggs sat unseen by zinc-slathered visitors who played and rested obliviously around them, unaware of the beauty of creation taking place nearby.
Two months later, a tiny army of baby turtles emerges from each mound and does exactly what they were made to do:
Make a mad dash for the safety of the sea.
In a scene befitting David Attenborough narration, the minutes-old turtles default to instinct and act accordingly. Nobody shows them how, nobody tells them why, nobody explains when they should leave and nobody outlines where they’ll end up. They simply dig themselves out of their cave and do exactly what they were made to do.
I appreciated the serendipitous opportunity to see the turtle nesting ground in person because this is actually an analogy I use often in my counseling practice when discussing the importance of connection and community and exploring our universal question: “What was I made for?”
Many of our pursuits serve as raw, external representations of our deep, intimate internal conflict. We dig hard and run fast towards riches untold, success, fame, and influence. Aren’t these all just manifestations of living from a deep and innate desire to secure meaning?
It is not that the quests are futile, rather they may be incomplete and at times incompatible with what we were made for:
Connection.
Connection secures for us a hope and a future that money, fame and influence cannot furnish. These things are at best a cheap imitation for the true goal of deep connection.
Legacy is more tightly knitted to who we are versus what we do. Many of us are well acquainted with stories of philanthropic Megaminds whose egos outshine their love. It is not that their contributions are aimless, but that their aim is so often themselves. At the end of the day, if money is all that matters to us, money is all we’ll have.
Many chase these things as a means to an end, using their well-earned wealth as a vessel to help others who are less fortunate. But others trade connections for commodities. Family and friends for fame and fortunes. Purpose for profit. As the saying goes, “nobody gets to the end of life and wishes they had worked more at the office.” Connection and love are the foundations of a life well lived and a legacy that is not bound by time but by the way your name sits in the hearts of others and the way it sounds exiting their lips.
Back to baby turtles in sandy holes on sunny beaches.
When it comes time for a sea turtle to lay eggs, it makes its way to the shore alone, and digs a magnificent hole alone, lays its eggs alone, and returns to the sea alone.
It is a low risk, low-cost endeavor for the female sea turtle. Roughly sixty days later, the sea turtles hatch and endure the fight of their lives for the grand privilege of simply surviving. According to experts on such matters, only roughly one out of one thousand sea turtles survive. If they do survive, they will live out most of their days in solitude.
Our journey is much more complex. We are born into the arms of another and entrusted to a caregiver for no less than eighteen years. Our very neurology is intimately activated, grown, and impacted by key interpersonal relationships and the environment around us. Brain development throughout the lifespan is closely tied to relationships.
Connection is what we were made for.
We, opposite from the turtles, aren’t meant nor built to do life alone. We are inherently programmed to give and receive love and to be in close personal relationships with those around us. We are not meant to live in solitude.
Disconnection creates loneliness. It likely comes as no surprise that loneliness is epidemic worldwide. Driven by increasing reliance on social media for pseudo-connection and a post-pandemic decrease in social interaction overall, many of us aren’t investing in community building the way we did before. For adolescents, marginalized groups, and men in particular, these statistics may represent an advancing storm on the horizon.
When was the last time someone inquired about your loneliness? Despite the fact that loneliness is linked to overall health decline, even health professionals are reticent to discuss it. How is it that what is so vital to our well-being is seemingly attended to the least?
When was the last time someone inquired about your sense of connection? When was the last time you checked in on someone you know feels lonely? Are we hesitant to check in about loneliness because we’re afraid we won’t know what to say?
What can we do to build community and break the cycle of loneliness that has become so malignant in our lives? Who do you know who would benefit from a phone call?
Reach out. Take a step. Connect.
Because that’s what we were made for.
